by Dorothy Waide
How do we develop good sleep habits? Is it natural for a baby to know when they are tired and ready to go to sleep?
In my experience, I believe that sleep is a learned behaviour and takes TACT – Time, Acceptance, Consistency and Touch.
Like anything in life, when we want to become good at something, we need to practise, practise, practise. Teaching a baby to sleep is a little like that. As with anything to do with raising children, we are the ones who set the examples and guide our children, so consistency plays an important part.
If we look at sleep as a nutrient, then, just like food, it is important to teach our babies and children good sleeping habits. There is no one solution that will fit every household. It is about taking the tools and guidelines and making them work for your family. Every baby is an individual, and every family is different.
Like anything to do with babies and children, sleep is widely talked about and the options are very varied. Babies like boundaries, and like anything we practise consistently,
the better we become at it. Teaching a baby good sleep habits is rather like this. Consistency is 80% — don’t set yourself a higher standard than you can realistically achieve, as you are more likely not to get there.
Sleep is about teaching babies to self-settle, while resettling is about teaching your baby to stay asleep. Most babies are cat-nappers, meaning they sleep for only one sleep cycle.
Resettling can be more difficult to teach a baby. In my experience, I find that tired signs can be very confusing for some parents, so I tend to work on timeframes. Nothing is set in
stone, but what I am trying to establish is a regular rhythm for both awake and sleeping times.
Remember that naps are an important part of a baby’s sleep cycle. In my experience, the more sleep they have, the more they want. I find that it is better to settle a baby when they have a full tummy, so I encourage mothers to top up their babies 15 to 45 minutes before going down for a nap. This does not have to create a feed-to-sleep association, as long as, when you have finished feeding, you introduce another step — such as changing their nappy, swaddling them or putting them into their sleeping bag — before placing them in their cot.
Teaching the Difference Between Day and Night
Teaching the difference between night and day will also help develop good sleeping habits. Remember: light is for play and dark is for sleeping.
A lot of people are led to believe that teaching a baby to sleep during the daytime means putting them to sleep in a room with the curtains open. The thinking behind this is that the baby will learn to sleep better at night than during the daytime. However, there are other factors that teach babies the difference between day and night. During the day, there is usually more
activity in the house, more talking and more interaction. At night, the house is quieter, and we generally don’t talk to babies as much, or at all.
Stepping back and allowing your baby the right, as an individual, to find their own sleep is important. However, allowing your baby to cry it out does not necessarily create good sleeping habits. If your baby does not go to sleep within approximately 20 minutes, then they may need your help to find their sleep. This does not mean 20 minutes of crying at the top of their lungs. More commonly, it may be grizzling or on-and-off crying while they are trying to settle. Listen to your inner voice and trust what you know about your baby. Work with your baby, not against them. If your baby needs your reassurance, your touch or your presence, it is okay to respond to that need.
The aim is not to leave your baby to cope alone, but to give them the opportunity to learn about sleep while still knowing that you are there when they need you. Around 10 to 12 weeks, I find that babies often begin showing signs of a natural rhythm. This can also be helped by having regular awake times and teaching them to sleep through their first sleep cycle. Having a good bedtime routine in the evening will also help your baby develop good sleeping habits.
A Good Bedtime Routine
A good bedtime routine might look something like this: Feed → Bath → Top-up feed → Clean teeth → Swaddle/sleeping bag → Into bed
It is also lovely to have something special that you do with your baby, such as singing a song, reading a story, using special words or having a little ritual that you do together before going to bed. These simple, predictable steps help your baby understand that bedtime is approaching.
Older Children
For older children, it is important to think ahead and be prepared for the extra requests that often happen at bedtime:
● “I need a drink.”
● “I’m hungry.”
● “I’m thirsty.”
● “I need to go to the toilet.”
● “I need another story.”
Let them feel that they are in control of their requests by dealing with some of these needs before bedtime. It can also help to always let them have one last request. This can save a lot of bedtime battles!
Remember, consistency — around 80% — is the key factor in teaching good sleeping habits. Sleep is a learned behaviour, and establishing a predictable rhythm can make a big difference.
It is also important to remember that the length of a baby’s nap can influence when their next feed is due.
Approximate Awake and Sleep Times
These timeframes are a guide rather than a strict schedule. Every baby is different, and nothing is set in stone.
0 to 6 Weeks
Awake time will be approximately 45 minutes to 1 hour.
Nap times are ideally a minimum of approximately 1½ hours,
creating a feeding rhythm of around 2¼ to 2½ hours.
6 to 12 Weeks
Awake time will be approximately 1 to 1½ hours.
Nap times are ideally a minimum of approximately 1½ hours,
creating a feeding rhythm of around 2½ to 3 hours.
4 to 6 Months
Awake time will be approximately 1½ to 3 hours.
Nap times are ideally a minimum of approximately 1½ hours,
creating a feeding rhythm of around 3 to 4½ hours.
The goal is not to create a rigid routine, but to establish a rhythm that works for your baby and your family.
Remember: TACT — Time, Acceptance, Consistency and Touch.
Good sleep habits take time to develop. With patience, consistency and support, we can help our babies and children learn the skills they need to become confident sleepers.