Welcome my friend, to my first year of motherhood. Something I have hoped to experience for as long as I’ve been alive. My heart longed to nurture a child. I yearned to experience that first smile, to hold their tiny hands, and to feel our irreplaceable bond. One thing that didn’t even cross my mind? Sleep.

Sure, I expected the newborn days to be tough— I knew as they got older to anticipate the odd night of sickness, teething, and nightmares. Never in my wildest dreams did I consider the excruciating sleep deprivation I would experience. How did my whimsical vision of having a baby ever reach this point? Well to take you there, I must start at the beginning.

My daughter was born at 38 weeks on a warm summers evening. Not that she would have known this. The chilly embrace of hospital air was the first thing to touch her skin. The next being me. She was placed on my chest and I was instantly overcome with relief. A combination of finally meeting the baby I’d always wanted and (after three and a half hours of pushing) “thank GOD that’s over!” After a rushed exit from hospital (I was back in the car no less than 2 hours after giving birth) followed by a very short, rather traumatic stay in the birthing unit, my husband and I returned home with our sweet girl.

I will always reflect on those first two weeks as the best— yet toughest weeks of my life. I didn’t even know it was possible to experience such a wide range of emotions in such a short period of time. But eventually, the clouds began to part. I started see this new way of life more clearly. In fact, I could no longer picture a life without her in it. I awaited the dreaded “baby blues” to slap me back into reality, but they never came. I did cry a lot — but almost always of happiness. All it would take was a glimpse of her sleeping peacefully and I’d be a mess! To my surprise, I started having peaceful sleeps, too. “Finally!” I thought. After many months of sleeping on my back, I could return to my favourite position once again— on my tummy, one leg
up, head to the side. Only now, when I opened my eyes at night, I saw my daughter in her basinet beside me, filling the empty space that once occupied the room. The space in which she’d happily sleep stretches of 7 hours. At times I wondered what people found so hard about this. Life was bliss!

It seemed like I was winning motherhood. Until I wasn’t.

When I say her sleep changed overnight, I mean it. At around 4 months old, one night we all went to bed and slept well. The next we didn’t. And we didn’t again for many months. We found ourselves waking up every hour (sometimes two— if we were lucky). It was like bulldozer pushed its way over my dream of motherhood, destroying everything in its path. Here was the reality check I’d be waiting for.

Desperate for help, we sought advice from those around us. Trust me when I say, we heard it all:
“Have you tried white noise?”
“She must have colic”
“She’s hungry! It’s time to start her on solids”
“She must be sensing your stress. You need to be calmer”
“Just leave her, her lungs need to learn how to cry”

Some we tried, and some we definitely did not. Regardless, nothing changed and we soldiered on alone. I honestly believed we were too far gone to reach out to a sleep consultant. It was like I’d blinked and she was 8 months old— and in nights of desperation I’d consumed content on Instagram pages expressing that after 4 months their sleeping habits are set in stone. As far as I was concerned, we’d made our bed, so now we had to lay in it (all together may I add, as she refused to sleep in her cot).

Each time I considered a sleep consultant, the advice from our friends and family echoed through my mind. As someone who holds a masters degree in the field of psychology and therefore strongly views the first few years as critical to our overall development, leaving my child to cry went against everything I believed in. Eventually, it all became too much. I wasn’t coping. The lack of sleep had finally caught up with me. I’d reached a point where being awake was physically painful. I learned exactly why depriving people of sleep is used as a form of torture.

Professional help was no longer a maybe, it was an absolute must.

After spending many hours researching, I came across Dorothy Waide. A sleep consultant with astounding reviews. Some written by parents sharing positive experiences of children much older than my daughter (and it didn’t involve leaving them to cry!) With a glimmer of hope, I booked our first appointment. I had nothing left to lose.

What I found was not some secret technique that I was missing. Unfortunately, Dorothy didn’t have a magic wand to wave over our issues. Instead, she took the time to listen to our story and developed a holistic approach tailored to the issues we expressed, highlighting us as the experts on our own child. In the first few months we saw no change. I even considered giving up.

Thankfully I followed my intuition and voiced these concerns to Dorothy. I found reassurance in her words, “good things take time, you’re doing a great job”. Despite the challenges, we continued with the routines and practices implemented under her guidance.

Then one day, out of what seemed like nowhere, we had our first 3-hour stretch of sleep in over 6 months. I was certain it was a fluke. But much to my astonishment, we had the same stretch the following night. And the night after that…

Fast-forward to now— my daughter is a week off turning one. Her day sleep is the best it’s ever been and we are blessed with a five hour stretch most nights. Something I truly wasn’t sure I’d ever experience again.

Would I change anything? Honestly, I’m not sure. I’ve always believed that everything happens for a reason. What that reason is, I still don’t know. One thing I do know is how empowered I feel to have made sure my daughter felt loved, safe, and secure throughout what was one of the toughest roads I’ve walked.

My key takeaway was that it wasn’t my fault. A child’s temperament has much more to do with it than anything a parent does.

I would however, have sought Dorothy’s help much sooner.

With every inch of me, I know we could not have reached the place we have without her expertise, her kindness, and her gift.

As we continue to navigate this on-going journey to better sleep, I often reflect on the most challenging moments we faced. It felt like I was living in a world where every other mum around me had it all figured out. A feeling of profound isolation I never knew possible.

In my darkest times, I sought connection. I read blogs, joined Facebook groups, found Instagram comments, and went over experiences shared on Dorothy’s website. I now realise I was never alone. Though I would never wish what we went through on anyone, I found true solace in the stories of others that also journeyed this difficult road. I have come to understand that this journey, though challenging, is not one we have to walk alone.

I’m walking with you, my friend.