Hi Dorothy – I hope you are well. I just wanted you to know what a huge positive impact you had for me and my family in our time of need – just sharing with you what I just shared to my FB page …. Mental health novel ahead….I wrote this message over a year ago and never felt it was the right time to share it or maybe wasn’t brave enough. But with so many people around me appearing to be struggling a bit (covid and end of year madness), I’m going to share some thoughts I hope help others……
I am not looking for any pity. I want to help others feel they aren’t alone, as I know that really helped for me, as well as give people some ideas to get through themselves or to help others get through.
Long story short I had a second pretty tricky baby. Reflux, wind, feeding, sleep not so great. When I wrote this we were still 8 months into that journey, as well as other family stuff going on. Everyone has their own shit going on but that was mine in a nutshell.
I’ve always been a kind of anxious person but I didn’t think I was capable of the depressive thoughts I had. I’ll be blunt and honest about it. Suicidal thoughts. I think I used to think that was selfish and how could you ever feel like that when you had family and friends who loved and needed u. Well I did.Anyway, at the time it was hard to know what help I needed myself and how to ask for it. Looking back, the things that helped me: People asking more than surface level questions, really digging and caring – I often got the, “r u OK, focus on the positives” etc. Some people don’t know what to say (understandable!). When people just kept asked the general “r u ok”, I didn’t want to always be negative. Helpful kinds of questions that stuck for me were “how r u really within yourself?” And just seeming genuine and like u really wanted to help and understand me and listen. One of the biggest turning points for me was during lockdown when I had a free consult with dorothy waide baby whisperer, about harriet. Dorothy was amazing and asked so many caring and direct questions to me. I can’t remember exactly how she worded it but something like “how r u really feeling?”…”when u say you’ve had bad thoughts, what do u mean?” (Not letting me get away with brushing over it). She then said something like “I am here for u and Paul. Any time of the day or night that you have these feelings, u call me. I’m serious, I am here for u” etc. This genuine care and directness from someone I had never met truly was so moving for me. Her directness made me realize and validate how serious it was and her genuine care made me feel so supported.
Other things that really helped me – meditation (1 giant mind and insight timer app), doterra essential oils and vitamins, depression.org
, watching ‘Jessica’s tree’, reading Jazz Thorntons stop surviving start fighting book, exercising, eating healthier, having baths with lavendar and epsom salts, talking openly and honestly with my husband (God he was and still is an amazing rock), and a change of scenery (thanks mum and dad). And one I need to constantly remind myself of, technology free time. I also went to the doctor and asked to be referred to perinatal mental health. They were amazing and one thing I didn’t realise would be so helpful for me, they organized a nanny to help when I most needed it. So many people touched me and helped me through my journey that don’t even realise how important they were. Your words and care matter. There’s lots of little things that helped, and I’m still on my journey but I’m through the worst of it. I know everyone has shit going on and in the scheme of things my shit wasn’t that bad, but it was still shit lol and I needed to be heard and cared for. I was, so thank u ?
If there’s anyone reading this going through similar, I am so more than happy to help u through your journey. Whether it’s just an ear to listen, or whatever help u need, ASK xx You have people who love and care for u, and u matter. Ur thoughts are real and people want to understand and help you through. #mentalhealthawareness